At the end of August, we have the privilege of having Helen and Ben Askew hosting a Facebook live over in our community group. They shared with us their Top 5 tips for growing in confidence as a leader. 

Below is a summary of the wisdom and insight they shared from 20 years on the coal face of missional living and leadership!

Quick intro –

Helen and Ben lead Kairos Network Church in Harrogate. Ben is ordained in the Anglican church and Helen spins a few plates working with The Order of Mission , teaching piano and overseeing missional communities.

The church they lead is a family member church, they love being part of Kairos Connexion and enjoy the training and relationships. The also rescue guinea pigs occasionally. 

So lets get down to it!

How to grow in confidence as a leader.

Ben starts by pointing us to 1Timothy 1 v7 – ‘For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.’

Come back to God and ask the Lord to grow courage within you

Know who God has made you in leadership.

Who you are, and who God made you is good – don’t fall into comparison. Comparison is the thief of Joy – and confident in leadership! 

We need to walk in who we are ourselves. 

‘I’ve spent too much time trying to imitate other people’s style and skills, rather than looking to imitate their character’

Develop your own skills confidently and inhabit your own personality. We often don’t see many different types of leaders, we need to see a variety of leadership types, i.e. not everyone is confident alpha male! You can be free to lead from the personality and gifts God has given YOU – not someone else.

Lead as YOU not your best impression of someone else.

Deal with your junk!

We all have different things which have got in the way of us growing; sins, habits, disappointment, family or relationships. 

Deal with your junk, or these things will pop up and undermine your confidence. We need to grow, practice repentance and belief. Turn towards the truth about what Jesus says about you. If you pay attention to things, they will weigh you down.

Have people around you who are going to encourage you, invest in you, and help you grow.

We need people around us on a few different levels, 

Mentor level – to guide you.

Peer level – to cheer you on.

We are made to learn and to grow within community. We need other people around us to enable this growth.


Who are the cheerleaders in your life? 

Who can you go to for encouragement and some help?

Accept your limitations

You don’t have to be Jesus – that’s his job! 

You don’t have to do everything. 

It’s really healthy to get to know what you’re not so great at, what you find difficult. What are the aspects of your personality which you need to work on? 

Know yourself and work out what costs you more than other things. Then you can empower others in your team to do these things, and to work collaboratively to build team which is whole and means you don’t have to be the star of every show.

STOP! Have good periods of rest.

Invest in yourself – know when you need rest or training. 

You are worth investing in. 

Good leadership is not about keeping on going and going and going, until you can’t do any more. That isn’t good leadership – that’s often pride. 

You have to rest! 

You are not so important that you can’t rest. God is much bigger than that. Invest in your health, your emotional wellbeing, have fun. Invest in your mental health, seek counselling if you are struggling, take time out to restore and rest.

You may have times of self-doubt, this is normal, be honest with those around you.

When we talk about growing in confidence in leadership, it is growing in confidence in who God is. When we trust in Him, in His ability.

Keep asking God what is next, trust Him for the outcome.

Thanks to Ben and Helen for these wise words of encouragement.

If you want to watch the full video head to our community facebook group, here.